So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
