i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize