I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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