Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
