i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
