He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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