Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
