I love how my cats smell like pot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
