So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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