just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
