Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize