dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
