Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
