4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize