Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
