I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
