A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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