I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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