I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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