I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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