got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
