He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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