my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
