The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
