Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
