We got so high we made milksteak
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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