Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
