I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
