He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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