I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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