i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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