Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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