you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
