I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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