At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
