I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
