Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So squirting runs in the family.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
