and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dignity is for republicans.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
