Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize