My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize