I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
