well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
