I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
