my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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