I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
