please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
