he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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