Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
