My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
