So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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