IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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