how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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