uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
