Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
