I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
