A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
