Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
