I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
