You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
