i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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