so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize