I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
