my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
