My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I just sharted jello shots
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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