so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think my fart just growled at me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
