Me. At least after what I've been through.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
