i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
