I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
