just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
