Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
