Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
