a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
