I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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